we're not in dreamland anymore.

dysorexia @ 2007-02-25T09:30:00

2007-02-25T14:30:39Z

HEY GUYS YOU SHOULD ALL ADD 92163BECAUSE SOME OF YOU STILL HAVE THIS JOURNAL FRIENDED

KAYBYEEE

dysorexia @ 2007-01-02T14:35:00

2007-01-02T19:35:41Z

new livejournal
yeah i know i gotta stop doing that

ask me on aim if you want it i dont feel like posting it
aim = melissa is deck

dysorexia @ 2006-10-29T09:46:00

2006-10-29T14:48:19Z

Yesterday was amazing. It felt like a dream.
I saw Krysti who I haven't seen in months for reasons. It was...just like old times. We connected just like old times. We were able to talk as if the four or five months we didn't see or talk to eachother didn't happen. It was so comfortable. It was like a dream sitting there and talking to her and being that connected again.
Joe and I went to her Dad's/Uncle's with her. Her dad is such a nice guy, as is the rest of the family there. We saw Saw Three. Krysti's dad gave each of us a mudslide for a pre-horror-movie-buzz ;) Krysti and I spent most of the movie with our faces in the popcorn with Joe saying "You pansys!" Good movie.

I love them. Yesterday was perfect. Life is good.

dysorexia @ 2006-10-24T14:52:00

2006-10-24T18:53:01Z

My bus driver always says "Have a good day" when we walk off the bus in the morning, but nobody ever says it back.
My bus driver always says "See you tomorrow" when we walk off the bus in the afternoon, but nobody ever says it back.
My bus driver always says "Have a good weekend" when we walk off the bus on a friday afternoon, but nobody ever says it back.
But she always says it.

I wonder how it makes her feel.

dysorexia @ 2006-10-20T09:04:00

2006-10-20T13:08:15Z

That's on mine and Joe's eight months (seven months tomorrow♥). We're gonna go, his mom is buying our tickets. Hopefully Elle will come too :D And we'll gather up everyone else in the world to come with us and skank to our hearts desire.

I left school early because my contacts fell out. I want a bacon egg & cheese sandwhich. My hair is wet and waiting to dry and be straigthened. World Of Warcraft is down. I need the following:
- a headset that I can use for vent
- a pair of gloves so I can turn into hobo gloves, because I gave mine to Joe
- blank DVDs

dysorexia @ 2006-10-12T18:33:00

2006-10-12T18:35:11Z

I've changed my eating habits around a bit. Instead of eating only when I eat dinners at Joe's or a bag of chips at lunch, I now eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. Since I've done this change, obviously I've gained weight. I doubt I'm 105lbs anymore, probably back to 110-115. You can't see my ribs anymore and my size three pants are no longer loose on me.
As much as I don't want to say it...I don't like this.

dysorexia @ 2006-10-10T22:53:00

2006-10-11T02:55:07Z

I want to make a difference. I want to help everyone. I want to let everybody know that not everyone out there is the same, that not everyone out there is bad, and that there are some good people left here in the world. I want everyone to know that I'm always here for them and that I will never turn them down in a time of need. I want everyone to know that not everybody is going to hurt them and that love exists. I want to make everyone happy, the real kind of happy that lasts and that you think about for a long time, not the kind of happy that comes from an object. I want everyone to know that I am here for them no matter what. I want to make a difference.

dysorexia @ 2006-10-06T14:46:00

2006-10-06T14:48:29Z

Film Studies again. Really bored again. Computer lab again with nothing to do.

On Halloween we're having a party in Film Studies. Dress up as someone from a movie. Comment with easy costume ideas :]

dysorexia @ 2006-10-05T11:00:00

2006-10-05T15:00:57Z

Fifth period Film Studies, in the computer lab doing a project inspired by the movie 'One Flew Over the Cukoo's Next'. I finished mine and all other homework I could do here, so hello livejournal. Going to be in the computer lab tomorrow also, probably working on my DBQ that's due on Tuesday. Eleventh grade, you're not as hard as I thought you would be.
I'm bored. And scared of things going on that I can't talk about yet. But let's just say that if it does happen, I'm going to be an emotional wreck for twenty-eight days, or I'll have to find a way around it.

No school on Monday. Elle's birthday is Wednesday. I don't have any lunch to eat seventh period and I have a sub for eigth & ninth chemistry. I have a sweet sixteen to go to November 4th. I'm hopefully hanging out with a bunch of people on Friday, and going out to breakfast with cool girls Saturday morning, and I'm spending Monday with Joe.

God, I'm so bored. I have english after this, we're reading 'To Kill A Mocking Bird' and I didn't finish reading for homework like I was supposed to. I could do that now, but it's way too cold in here. I want to get out and be warm. I want to cuddle into my sweatshirt.
You know a really good feeling? A brand new sweatshirt. It's so warm and comfortable and nice feeling. It's like a big hug from someone who you feel safe around. When I get a new sweatshirt like that, it feels like a big hug from Joe. I'm wearing hobo gloves of his right now that he doesn't wear. I miss him. I wear his class ring too. Six months, six months, six months.

PSATs are on our seven months. I'm just typing and typing. I'm so bored and itchy and hungry. My stomach has been growling all day. I want someone to talk to. I want friends here damnit. I can't talk to anyone until lunch.

I just want someone to listen..

dysorexia @ 2006-10-03T23:09:00

2006-10-04T03:13:51Z

I don't know what I'm feeling. I don't know how I am. I can't get the words from my mind to my finger tips in time to form words and sentences that make sense. My thoughts and feelings are moving at a million miles a hour and they don't plan on slowing down. My heart is beating faster and faster and its about ready to burst. I don't know whats going on. I don't know if I'm hurt or if I should be. I don't know if I'm making sense. I'm scared. I don't know whats happening. I'm on a rollercoaster and I want to get off, but they won't slow it down for me. I'll scream for them to stop but they can't hear me. I'll scream please but they cant hear me. I'll scream and I'll scream and I'll scream but they'll never hear me. I'll just hold on tight. I'll just scream silently and hope that the silence will put everything back into place.

dysorexia @ 2006-09-29T18:05:00

2006-09-29T22:06:33Z

I don't think it's possible for my mother to talk to me without mentioning atleast five things I have done wrong in the past twenty four hours.

dysorexia @ 2006-09-28T15:46:00

2006-09-28T19:47:46Z

First ; Happy 16th Birthday Andrew Walsh, you're amazing! <3

My computer didn't crash. I still have all my files. I can still play World Of Warcraft. I'm good. My gym class got switched so now I'm in it with Eileen fucking Murray :D
No school Monday.

I don't know what else to say.

EDIT:EVERYONE PRAY FOR REN'S COUSIN ALICIA!
PRAY SHE DOESN'T HAVE BONE CANCER!

♥Ren:]

dysorexia @ 2006-09-26T17:27:00

2006-09-26T21:29:14Z

I want to travel the world. I want to see everything there is to see. I want to do everything there is to do. I want to see the beauty that has been hidden from me, the things I've been missing out on. I want to be able to describe to an ailen how beautiful Earth is, instead of just describing Suffolk County. I want to live. I want to experience everything. I want to know what it's like to feel infinite.

I want so much more than I was meant to have.

dysorexia @ 2006-09-22T12:15:00

2006-09-22T16:17:21Z

That's me.

That's the boy I'm madly inlove with.

That's the show that we watch together and can't get enough of.

Melissa Is Deck: And I walked my dog and got hit on by mexicans
Sieg ChaoS: Thats pretty fucked up
Melissa Is Deck: Yeah
Sieg ChaoS: Mexicans hitting on the girl that looks like shes 12
Sieg ChaoS: dundundund
Sieg ChaoS: No offense
Sieg ChaoS: lol

dysorexia @ 2006-09-21T22:07:00

2006-09-22T02:08:47Z

Today was six months with Joe. :)

I cut out 182 hearts (182 days = 6 months), wrote a reason why I love him on each, and colored them. He read them and thought they were the cutest thing ever.
He bought me flowers.

dysorexia @ 2006-09-20T14:52:00

2006-09-20T18:55:21Z

For the past week or so my computer hasen't been working. I've been using the family one. My computer wont even turn on.
My brother is going to "kill it". All my files are going to be erased. All 3,000something songs of mine. Three years worth of memories in pictures and videos. That's what I'm upset the most about ; the pictures. Those...I can't get back.
I spent all my money and some of Joe's on a new videocard for that computer so I could play World Of Warcraft. What a waste.

Angryangryangryangryangry.

dysorexia @ 2006-09-19T15:00:00

2006-09-19T19:02:26Z

I've been listening to The Pixies alot lately. My computer hasen't been working and I haven't been able to play World Of Warcraft. Things are slow.

I went to gym today. I didn't know anybody, I wasen't sure of where I was going, I'm playing tennis. I sat down on the sidelines while everybody was partnered up. I have no friends in that class. I told the gym teacher I didn't know anybody, that I wasen't feeling emotionally well, that I want to do an alternative assignment for my gym credit. I started to cry a little bit like the big baby I am and he said he'll see what he can do and didn't want me upset because gym is supposed to be "fun". He asked questions like if I could switch into a different activity and I explained to him that all my friends are in different class periods and I can't change my schedule anymore than I already did and that I am going to be miserable if I stay in this class. He let me leave gym early. I hope I get to do that alternate assignment.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore.

dysorexia @ 2006-09-17T15:19:00

2006-09-17T19:21:19Z

I feel like my body is going to crumble apart at any moment. Into a million little pieces. Nobody is going to want to pick me up and put me back together. Nobody is going to want to risk cutting their fingers on my sharp and bitter edges. Just...let me fall through the cracks on the floor.

I'm not having a good day. I don't like living there.

This is not my home. This is not my home. This. is. not. my. home.

dysorexia @ 2006-09-16T17:42:00

2006-09-16T21:44:23Z

Still 105 pounds. The size small Mighty Mouse shirt I'm wearing feels more like a big medium on me. My pants are getting loose on me. Joe's mom has been noticing and commenting on my weight loss and telling me to eat. My parents don't even notice.

dysorexia @ 2006-09-14T12:26:00

2006-09-14T16:29:19Z

The day before yesterday, Joe's whole family and I played basketball in his backyard. It was one of those cute corny things that you see on TV. It was really cute. His little sister is six years old and was running around trying to get the ball and tickling Joe to get it away from him.
Yesterday I rode my bike to Joe's house and stayed there for a little bit.
Today I went to school and left after first period. I could hardly stay awake. I just woke up a little while ago. My sleeping schedule is so messed up.

I'm feeling good lately.

dysorexia @ 2006-09-10T10:49:00

2006-09-10T14:50:31Z

Yesterday I spent the day at Joe's house. We took pictures :]

kissy kiss.

"I'm gonna stare at you until you look at the camera."

I'm a weirdo. He's a cutie. :)

Tough cookies.

He still wouldn't look at the camera, no matter how long I stared at him.

"Fine, I won't look at the camera either."

Typical.

"You're cute. I love you :)"

I have English and Math homework to do today.

Oh, I'm 105 pounds now. At the beginning of the summer I was 115, in August I was 111. Pretty funny huh?

dysorexia @ 2006-09-08T15:50:00

2006-09-08T19:51:42Z

Today was not as bad as yesterday. I guess I over reacted yesterday when I got home from school because I felt so lonely. But today was better, much better.

During first period I went down to guidance to change my schedule. I dropped Spanish and now I have a study hall second period. Study Hall is really lonely. Matt Little was there today, and I had fun talking to him. I kind of miss being good friends with him. He ended up switching out of study hall later on that day.
My mythology class got bigger. There are more people in there that I don't know. Our seats got changed and Sara sits right infront of me. I noticed that my teacher has interesting looking ears, kind of like an elf.
Math is good. Heather and I passed notes as we learned about SohCahToa for the fourth time since eigth grade.
Film Studies is my favorite class. I don't have any friends in there still :( but I mean...just talking about different types of movies is fun. I want to go watch Jacob's Ladder now after the teacher mentioned it today.
In English, we're starting to read "To Kill A Mocking Bird".
Lunch is always fun :)
Double chemistry today. We watched a video on safety and such. I'm afraid to be working with all these chemicals...

And I don't feel good. My chest has been hurting all day, I threw up a little bit because I got upset. I'm a mess. I have to stop thinking about certian things.

dysorexia @ 2006-09-07T14:36:00

2006-09-07T18:50:40Z

I realized today that I don't know anybody in West Islip. I know four girls for the most part ; Maya, Michelle, Courtney and Eileen. They are in none of my classes. The school messed up my schedule, it was just a bad day.

We have a new bus driver. It took her forever to get to the bustop, and I stand there with two sophmore boys who don't talk to me. I sit in the back alone and listen to everybodys conversations.
First period I have US History. I sit next to this girl Kristi who seems nice, but I hardly know her. She talked to me for a bit. That's the only person I know. This girl I used to be best friends with is in that class too.
Second period I have Spanish class. Shannon is in that class. Before school started, I asked to be switched out. Obviously that didn't happen, so I filled out another request for guidance to be switched out, writing PLEASE SWITCH ME OUT OF SPANISH I WILL FAIL IF I TAKE IT =( so hopefully, they'll get the message.
Third period is Mythology. I don't have the teacher I wanted, but I guess things could be worse. It's a pretty small class. This girl Sara I know is in it, and we only know eachother.
Fourth period is Math, the one class I don't hate. It's the one class I don't feel awkward in.
Fifth period I have Film Studies. It seems like a really fun class. The teacher is really funny and told us about the class. We talked about our favorite movies and a really cool field trip we're going to be going on. I don't know anybody in that class and feel extremely awkward.
Sixth period was English, another class where I don't know anybody. But I suppose that's fine.
Seventh period is lunch and I love it. I sit with Maya, Elle, Anders, Kim, and these three other girls. This is the only time I feel comfortable enough to talk. I love Maya and Elle so much, and Anders is so funny.
Eight period today was gym. Again, I don't know anybody really. This girl Nikki I met near the end of the school year last year is the only girl I know in my gym class. She's a senior.
And, ninth period is Chemistry. The girl that sat next to me was nice and talked to me here and there, but again, I don't know anybody.

I don't have many friends in West Islip. This is going to be a long year.

dysorexia @ 2006-09-06T12:06:00

2006-09-06T16:10:34Z

So, I've created another livejournal.

Today is the last day of my summer vacation. Tomorrow is the first day of 11th grade. I'm scared, I'm anxious, I'm confused, I'm patinetly awaiting whats to come. They say that 11th grade is the most important school year for you ; the one that colleges look at most. I guess this means to buckle down and get to work. I say this every summer, that I'll do better once school starts. But come October, or maybe even late September, I always go back to my old habits of wasting all my time and ignoring to do my homework or study.
This year will be different. I'll make this year different. Highschool is supposed to be the best time of your life, and it has been for me. This summer has been a big rollercoaster, and I'm glad that it's ending with no drama and no hard feelings. I love my friends, I love my boyfriend, and I'm ready.

I think I'm ready.

PS; Today is also my boyfriends 17th birthday :)